Why I am Moving to Colorado

I wrote this blog post a couple months ago, in the midst of a week where I was really struggling with my decision to move to Colorado. I’d had a couple “lightbulb” moments, and wanted to write them down as “mile markers” of my journey.

Unfortunately, I wrote the post and then let it sit in my drafts. It was the end of school, and there was a lot going on, so I didn’t get a chance to go back and tweak things like I wanted.

Fast forward two months, and I’m finally getting back to this post. So enjoy this peek into my train of thought these days…

I have decided to move to Colorado. The decision came in stages, and many parts looked more like a process of elimination than a forward-moving decision.

The decision obviously started last summer when I lived in Colorado. I loved the weather. I loved seeing the mountains every day. I loved that I could drive an hour and hike in the mountains. I loved everything about being there.

Near the end of January, I realized that the deadline to sign up for the Texas Bar Exam was fast approaching (January 30th). I was in the middle of Big Trial, focused on exams, and the thought of adding one more major item to my to-do list was overwhelming. I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but when I took some time to sit down and think seriously about it, I knew I did not want to stay in Texas. It may seem silly, but I hate the weather here. I want to wear sweaters in November, not flip-flops. I want to walk outside and breathe in sharp, cold air that makes my lungs burn. And I want to do this consistently from November until February, not sporadically for two days here and there. ūüôā

And so, I prayed that if the Lord wanted me to stay here, that He would make that clear. That He would change my heart. Meanwhile, I waited. And there was silence.

The deadline came and passed, and I did not submit an application. I felt such a peace about my decision. So I took that as an answer to prayer, and I moved on.

The next deadline that came was for North Carolina’s Bar Exam. I had called a few places looking for a job, but nothing panned out. Additionally, as the deadline approached, I realized that the Bar Review course I signed up for doesn’t have a North Carolina class. It’s a small thing, yes, but again I took it as a sign that pointed towards Colorado. And so I let the deadline pass.

And with that, the only place left was Colorado.

So, I began throwing all of my efforts that direction. I got in touch with co-workers from last year, started perusing the University of Colorado’s job listings, and checking the state judicial website every week looking for clerkships. I became so excited – my dream is finally going to become a reality! I will wake up every morning and see the mountains. I will experience my first¬†real¬†winter. And I am so excited.

And then, over spring break, I returned to Colorado. I was ecstatic to be there. I woke up every morning and soaked in the beauty of the mountains. I almost jumped up and down every time I thought about living there permanently. I knew that I was home.

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But the process was not all about my feelings or “letting deadlines pass.”

But I am absolutely convinced of this – I am stepping out in faith. I am going out on a limb that seems nonsensical to my practical side.

And at the end of this, I will be able to clearly see God’s provision. My sinking or swimming is not up to me. It’s up to God. I cannot thwart His plan by moving to Colorado. He already knew that’s what I would do.

I think part of my problem is that I’ve been waiting for a sign. Some clear indication that I am supposed to be in Colorado. Unfortunately, that’s not how it’s working out. Instead, I’m getting small bits of wisdom in my quiet time – promises of God’s provision (Proverbs 10:3), reminders that it takes time for the Lord to work. Each day, it’s a tiny morsel. IT’S ENOUGH FOR THAT DAY, but no more.

“Have you ever heard of someone being greatly used by Christ¬†who did¬†not experience a special time of waiting or a complete upset of his plans at first? … Have you been looking forward to telling about trusting Jesus, but instead He is asking you to show what trust is, by waiting? … He often withholds our enjoyment and awareness of our progress, because He actually knows best what will actually ripen and further His work in us.‚ÄĚ ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†¬†Frances Ridley Havergal, Streams in the Desert

Six weeks later, I’m still perusing job boards, making phone calls, and waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And with the waiting, comes my “practical” side, which is convinced that my odds of getting a job in Texas are way better than getting one in Colorado (despite the fact that my six interviews last year went¬†nowhere). The side of me that feels like I’m being foolish for picking up and moving to another state because of the weather. The side of me that is terrified that I will get to Colorado and be homeless.

And so I am waiting. I am eagerly anticipating the day when I get a phone call asking me to come for an interview. Holding my breath every time my phone rings, hoping it’s a Colorado number. And all the while, trusting that the Lord is working, even when I can’t see it. Trusting that He is good; that He has given me this desire to live in Colorado; reminding myself of His great faithfulness to me in the past.

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