Rollercoaster

Sorry for disappearing from the blog for two weeks. They’ve been a rollercoaster, so I’ve been hanging on for dear life.

I had my first breakdown the day after I wrote my last post. It wasn’t anything huge – I just hit a wall that weekend. I was so exhausted for no apparent reason, and I just snapped. Thankfully, MaryLou was very patient with me as I made brownies while crying and yelling about how much I hate this class (and a certain particular professor). And yes, it was just as ugly as it sounds…

A day later, I had my second advocacy exercise. This time, we were practicing direct and cross examination. It went pretty well – I escaped without a memo, and these days, that’s just about all that matters to me. I had an interesting realization, though. Cross examination has always been my favorite part of debate, and I get super excited about it. I half expected that after the advocacy exercise, I would want to do more cross examinations, and that it would revive (if only slightly) my love for trial advocacy.

But it didn’t. I came out of the exercise feeling like I do about the rest of the class – it’s over, and I don’t really care if I ever have to do that again. Bit by bit, I feel as though my desire to be in the courtroom is being removed from me. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

I know that part of the reason I feel this way is because school (and therefore a good part of my life) is miserable right now. And, I also know that the way I’m living right now is how most trial lawyers live their life. Trial is all-consuming. It knows no respect for weekends, time for family and friends, or a “normal” life. Baylor really is preparing us to be trial lawyers – and part of that is working however long it takes to get the work done. It means spending your weekends on call in case an emergency arises before trial on Monday, being in the office at 9pm on Sunday night, and constantly thinking ten steps ahead.

And the further I get into law school, the more I realize that I hate this kind of life. Yes, I spent my college years trying to do everything I wanted to do, and it was great. But in law school, I’m learning that boundaries, rest, and down-time are extremely important. Without them, I break down.

So, the point of all this is: as much as I’ve hated parts of law school at Baylor, I’m extremely thankful for the things that the Lord has taught me over the past three years. As I told AnnaGrace yesterday, law school has made me more of who I am. Let me explain what I mean…

I’ve never had a problem being “different.” As a homeschooler, that just comes naturally. 🙂 But in law school, I’ve realized just how much I love being different. I don’t want to look like the world. I don’t want to drive a Lexus – I just want a dependable Honda that I can drive for 20 years. 🙂 I love that my current car is just about to hit 200,000 miles. I don’t want to spend even 40 hours a week in an office. I love being at home and in my kitchen. And if the only thing I do with my legal degree is write free wills for my family and friends, I will be perfectly satisfied.

Well, I didn’t really intend to post all of that this morning, but there you go. These are just a few of the many thoughts that have been running through my brain recently. For those of you who have been praying for me, keep it up. I need them!!

And, in exciting news, I finally have a few pictures to put up on the blog! I know it’s been far too long since I have posted anything visual, and for that I am sincerely sorry. I am also sorry to report that these aren’t the most thrilling pictures you’ve ever seen…but I will try to be better.

First, a picture of my amazing dinner last night (yes, this was very exciting). I found this Copycat Chick-Fil-A recipe a while back, but I was craving it last night (I ate real Chick-Fil-A on Friday night, which is probably why). I substituted vegetable oil for peanut oil, so the flavor wasn’t exactly right, but close enough!

Also, I’ve been on an okra kick lately. I even find myself craving it in the middle of class…

And, most exciting of all, check out this picture of the temperature inside our condo this morning…

I feel like I’m in heaven. The high for today is 61 degrees, and I couldn’t be happier. FALL IS COMING!!!!!  I’ve written this post from under the covers with pumpkin coffee on my nightstand. There’s no better way to start a Sunday morning…

I think I’m going to wear a sweater to church this morning – AAAHHH!!!!!!! I’m practically jumping up and down with excitement. It’s the little things that make life enjoyable. 🙂

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: